Human nature

Apr 13

This week is more photo-heavy, because many photos were taken.

Wild nature

First big thing this week, climbing to 陣馬山 (Jinba-san) on Tuesday. We went with the exchange student group: も (a new name for M), A, Mt, R and L. Easy hike on a beautiful day with great company. What else could I wish for.

jinbastart. — The start of an adventure.

jinbahouse. — Came upon an abandoned house at the root of the hill.

jinbaforest. — There was a lot of walking through forest, which was nice since the sun was hot.

jinbatop. — Already at the top. Wow, that was easy. The white blob in the background is 富士山 (Fuji-san).

jinbalama. — There was naturally a llama at the top. It kind of looks like a

jinbakungfu. — Kungfu fighting to decide who is the queen of the hill. Spoiler: も won.

jinbacool. — The coolest stump I ever saw.

jinbariver. — Walking to the train station on the other side of 陣馬山. Came across this river.

jinbapond. — And this pond and these funny houses. Bought some pickled plums from the house on the left for 100円.

jinbastation. — Sunset at the station. How romantic.

A zoo for plants

On Wednesday, we went to 立川 (Tachikawa) park with A, R, Mt. It felt really surreal. I mean, the park was really pretty but it also really felt like a simulation.

Kind of hard to explain, but everything was so organized and in a way peaceful but you could hear and see military helicopters flying around it all the time, since there was a massive US airforce base right next to it.

Also, I think everything felt a bit fake in contrast to yesterday’s pure nature. I was ready to believe the whole park was 3D-printed. Still, or perhaps that’s why, it was a cool experience!

parkfountain. — This is how water looks.

parkmirror. — Don't forget to turn on the moon at night.

parkfield. — This is a tree with a field of flowers in front of it.

parkheli. — This is a military helicopter guarding the park.

parktrain. — This train takes you to different parts of the park. We didn't board it. It makes a train sound. Chugga chugga chugga.

parkshadow. — This is the shadow of a beautiful tree. It looks realistic.

parkbonsai2. — This is a small tree. It is more than 100 years old.

parkbonsai3. — Another small and very old tree.

parkgaudi. — This is also in the park. It doesn't belong to Barcelona, it's definitely not a glitch.

Wild thoughts

Trivia question: What comes after two nice days spent with amazing people seeing beautiful things?

Answer: The realization that I’m terribly lonely and have no friends, because I’m not meeting anybody today and some people here haven’t replied to my texts. Is there something wrong with me? Did I insult them last time we met?

Yep, here we go again. I realize that I’m not good at loneliness. Or, to be more precise, I’m not good at loneliness after being social. It feels like a part of me is torn away when the human contact suddenly stops, and there are no plans ahead.

I also felt some guilt, because I started feeling oversaturated with some of the people I hung out with on Tuesday and Wednesday. It’s not their fault, they are really kind and nice, but they are also very Nordic. We all know each others’ cultures and everything feels very safe and familiar. A bit too much so.

So, how can I feel bad about being lonely while simultaneously avoiding contact with some people. Isn’t that unthankful? I worked so hard to make these friends, so why can I not appreciate them?

These thoughts were quite strong in my head on Thursday and Friday morning. Then, I went to school on Friday for my first lecture, and, as I met people, they faded away.

Here is a raw excerpt from my personal notes on Friday:

I went to the first lecture by some Dutch guy and it was really nice. Hung out with R and S on the way back home, we walked to Hashimoto in rain and my shoes were soaked by the time we got there. Some people were meeting in Hachioji and も was meeting her friends somewhere else but I didn’t join either, just went home.

At home, listening to nice music with cozy dry woollen socks and replying to people. So many people contacted me today. And I’m talking with the people I like from the exchange group, and Shun, and I signed up for a language exchange thingy at Tamabi and life is just smiling!

I am so happy, and in the morning I was so extremely gloomy. It’s silly how it can go from 0 to hundred in a single day. I guess it’s bc my contacts are still so limited, that I’m afraid of everything. But good things have been happening. I’m happy now.

wildcamera. — I finally bought a half-frame camera on Thursday! Took the first photos with it on Friday. So cozy and compact. And no, Kodak doesn't pay me for this.

wildsculpture. — On Friday, before school started, I went to check the backyard of the sculpture department. There was this "graveyard" of old sculptures there. Pretty funky stuff.

The Pacific ocean

Okay, I will dump some of my raw notes here as well, because it’s late and I don’t feel like reformatting. Hihi. Maybe it’s more messy to read, but hey, this can be the messy week.

Went to 江ノ島 (Enoshima) island on Saturday to see the Pacific ocean.

It was quite touristic, there were so many people at times. But I also found some calmer spots.

There were hawks (black kites) swooping above, trying to steal people’s food. I have never seen this kind of birds acting like this, only seagulls and crows/ravens. It was very strange.

After coming back from the island, I walked along the beach without shoes. The water felt fresh on the feet. And the sand was really black. Volcanic? It took me forever to get the sand off of my feet. There might still be some between the toes.

I didn’t swim, even if I had planned to - wasn’t sure if I have time to dry before I need to leave. But I’ll come back for it, the seaside is beautiful!

enosign. — Beware the トビ (tobi), hawk-like birds stealing food like the seagulls in Helsinki.

enolines. — The トビ are always above, always watching.

enomonolith. — Found this standing alone in a forest by the sea. Luckily there was no creepy choral music.

enosea. — I just realised the horizon is not straight. Just turn your screen, I'm not editing it lol.

enobeach. — I walked all the way to the end of the beach in the water. It didn't feel that cold, but there was nobody swimming. Many surfers though.

enobirds. — A flock of トビ, looking for food. I'm sure if they worked together they could pick up one of the kids. The children didn't seem scared though.

enobanana. — Before I get too used to it: this is a single banana from a grocery store. Basically all the fruits and vegetables here are wrapped in plastic.

Today I spent the whole day alone, and I felt good about it. There was a promise of hanging out in the evening with も and nice people in Shinjuku. In the end, it didn’t happen, but it made me feel like people wanted to meet me. And we chatted about watching LotR in Japanese next week. It will be fun to see Furodo adventuring.

That’s the thing that makes me happy, feeling that I have plans and nice friendships slowly building. That I’m texting with people that I like here, and they seem to be interested in answering. It all makes me relieved.

In the evening, I worked on my presentation slides for my school project. It was surprisingly fun. Also relieving, I felt like I was doing something useful.

sunday. — Walking home from the grocery store on the evening of a slow, cozy, rainy Sunday.

So, this week was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but it ended nicely. I might sound harsh towards myself with some of the questions in this post, but I don’t take it as heavily as it might sound - I just want to record the emotions as I felt them. I know it’s normal to be a bit confused when building friendships in a strange environment.

Next week, I will go bouldering, and to Japanese language meetings and dance try-outs and hike to a waterfall and watch a film with friends. And perhaps I will meet the few people I like in my house again while cooking dinner.

A lot of little streams trickling together, starting to form a small river. That’s how I’m beginning to feel about my social life here. It’s hopeful and exciting.